Posted on March 20, 2009 - by A. A. Volts

Are you an TwitterAddict?

Are you a twitter addict? If you do or know any of the following below you are an addict and tweetvention may not help you at this point.

• You purchase your wife an iphone so she can keep in touch and know what you are up to.
• You use any of the following 3 or more times a day; tweet; twit; twitter or any word having a twtr in any order.
• You wake up in the morning and before going to the bathroom, having breakfast, kissing wife/kids you say good morning to your tweeps.
• if you have more than 1000 followers or are following more than 500.
• If you like myself dream with bit.ly, tinyurl, ping.fm, tinypic and tinychat, in fact if you know what all of those things are, you are past the point of no return.
• If you check your twitter stats more than once a week. (If you check it everyday, seek immediate help.)
• If you can’t help but wonder what is twitter.com business plan or model.
• If you blog about twitter like I am doing now you are probably a goner as well.

So you must be asking yourself what do I do now if I can’t be saved, I’ll let you know.

If fact you have very few options, here they are;

1. Run naked in the street asking for mental help and maybe will get locked away in a facility with no internet connection, however watch for wifi and 3G networks they are creeping up everywhere, like the Verizon dude says “we have 3G there.”.
2. Call your representative and complain about the health dangers of twitter.
3. Call twitter and ask them for the phone numbers of the psychologist they consulted with when creating the service, maybe they will have the cure but they most likely will not give it to you.
4. Call the pentagon and see if they have the cure, again they may not help you unless a twitter zombie infestation is imminent and likely to occur.
5. Other than that just hope that your brain will be full of useful and useless information and you will eventually leave your room again, but remember start slow, sunlight can actually hurt your eyes once you been away from it for so long. (And no, spending time in front of the monitor does not equals time in the sun or outside.)

Hopefully this post help you in some way if nothing else a little bit.ly laugh.

Adrian

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